a sole for a soul

January 9th, 2008 by dexindrug

I can’t afford not to speak
But can’t afford not to act
And if you’d tell me you’d just go
‘Cause you can’t afford not to leave
Then I won’t tell you to stay
Though I know very well
That you’d leave me so sick

If you haven’t thought about me,
Then I’d tell you
That I, I thought about you
But if you never wanna see me
I still wanted to see you
But if you’d tell me to just go
And stay so far far far away
I’d still wait for that moment
That you’d forgive me someday

the sixth-part fart

January 9th, 2008 by dexindrug

Times may never be back
And im shattered out of luck
To look forward,to go on
Is a resistance out of shock

And there were nights and there were times
When I just wanted peace
That when I sleep and when I snore
I grew out of all my sores
So I did sleep myself one day
In a hot and sunny May
To have peace of mind which I can’t define
To get the clue of what’s in line

I’ve traveled too far
Way back way back when
I used to smile and laugh aloud
While my heart was once so proud
With all my people sorrounding me
I knew I was secured
But then they left off
Never were found
And I never got the cure

It was this shot which brought me back
But left without a trace
Of ignorance from renaissance
It was written in a phrase
I understood that then it showed
My purpose for my path
That after all ,were said and done
Dreams created me a wrath

flash back’s incomplete

January 7th, 2008 by dexindrug

i was a girl,,starting to see life.realizing what it was made of.counteracting with some shattered soul.
it was a bright light above, gazing through and through,,sharing laughs with my circles, who believed in me,,trusted in me,looked up on me.it was not finalized.we are the people of the thoughts-talking bout issues,from sun-up til sundown/.it was empty.
it was cruel.my day to day became a routine.a route to where.i landed my fist out of integrity and voided all the cruelty.sultry sweet and clear glasses.
i remember the days when my friend gracy and i would hide behind the piles of books at the library.sneaking out ourselves with those books and papers which never even determined what we really wanted to be,years ahead.we both knew we’re not on our paths.she’s a math girl and i was basically that another girl in school who got teased to be the campus deejay.
one day we both wrote ourselves a letter-an ingenius one.the repertoire of our illusions grew out to be an issue of the future.it’s escapable but was not even diminished.i learned that laughter was a habit.it was a natural thing.and my friend got sick,literally.and i got overwhelmed symbolically.everything just jumped out and our thoughts became our frustrations.(to be continued)

dark night

How many days and how many nights have I seen myself mourning.how bout the crafts,
And the drafts which were left raveled
While im soaring
And so I did go and found me a place to secure myself abhore.but when I disguised and locked myself up,there was nothin but a maze

The puzzled figures and the sultry peas,came in to welcome me
As I looked narrow,I felt them tender
Without the trace of glee…
And down the cave as I moved in
And out was there to see
That it was nothing and it was empty
Therefore I can’t be free

dark night

How many days and how many nights have I seen myself mourning.how bout the crafts,
And the drafts which were left raveled
While im soaring
And so I did go and found me a place to secure myself abhore.but when I disguised and locked myself up,there was nothin but a maze

The puzzled figures and the sultry peas,came in to welcome me
As I looked narrow,I felt them tender
Without the trace of glee…
And down the cave as I moved in
And out was there to see
That it was nothing and it was empty
Therefore I can’t be free

i love you,goodbye

in the wee hours of the day,,you were always there.when i was sooo down,your,smile,,your,growl,your presence was all i needed to have my life back again.you never knew how much it hurts me now,,now that you're gone.

i remember so well,,when you were young,,i didn't like you much,,your hair's rusty,it was so stiff,,velvety skin was all you've got,your set of teeth,,i think was all but rut,,and definitely,you really looked like a cat.but all these imperfections were then never a matter,of how our friendship grew over and over,,isn't it nice,isn't it a wonder,,of how these two creatures got along together?

you're my forecast for the weather

you're my gratitude and my thunder

you're my friend and my lover

and yes,to me,you were also a brother...

Dearest kuya untot,,now that you're gone,,not just jappi,not just me,not just dormo and the rest of the family....but everyone who saw you grew up to be a loyal pet and family member,,are missing you now,huhuh

you know we did it all... we did our very best,to revive you through cpr,,I AM SORRY-IT WAS NOT A MERE SUCCESS

you left a big darn hole in our lives,,,thanks for the memories and the happy cheerings together,,untot!

you may never have the privilege for the promised paradise of Jehovah God,,but we never know..

i will always keep you in my memory,,i cried for you,,so hard,,and you know that...i know you saw me cryin when i knew you were dyin'...but i wonder if you really saw me,coz you were at yar stage of delirium

I LOVED YOU UNTOT,I AM LOVING YOU UNTOT,I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU

WE ARE MISSING YOU.HUGS FOR THE CROWN DOG!TEARS TEARS TEARS

a grandma' s begotten love story

the past...

and yes i did wait for your coming back
from that post near that statue you'll see beyond
til it poured and i got wasted
not a shadow of yours came annointed

and years went by and you're forgotten
like the memories of the past were begotten
how the shadows of yours were already molten
how i learned to move on just all of a sudden

and that typical day from my days so glory
are like those typical days from where we started
how stereotypical to always remember
how now you and i doesn't even matter

the present.....

and those were the days when we were still young
but now is the moment that i wish i just sang
all my heart's desires for it to be bare
that when i was still young, i should have played fair

but dear now that i am old
and im sick and meek and bold
and im stronger though i feel weak and tired and cold
now too far from my sixteens which i can't behold
coz i know that for once, someone loved me a hundred fold

unfinished...

knight dexin

can someone dare to answer what i never dared to ask
to help me figure out what there is really for a task
can someone open my chest like a tomb of rock
to alter those who once tried to knock

and for the reasons i know i must have
its for the seasons to show what's above
coz what's beyond and what's afar that we'll see
is just the truth from the wisdom of thee

so what is it after that eloquent show
which made us cry and bestow
how about the promise i did
which i never forgotten but yet,you missed

coz i made myself wait for that one great dawn
without something to hold on to
just the words,just the breaths, just the voices
which once upon a time, you told me so

but still,i've got our tickets for the show
how i wish,how i hope you do know
that i've kept it for once not until forever
when that once upon a time could be made forever

i really am the dexin

few days ago,i was somekind in a moderation.i have been thinking and thinking and thinking.i got myself into this cellphone load business and unto cell cards and phone cards.begging my blockmates to have their phones reloaded through me.but i thought...i won't go elsewhere from here.theseare just coins---that is what i am thinking right now....hahaha..true true true...but better than nothing at hand.i am still thinking--of going back to my old perk at the call center and BPO company,,but i do have an erratic schedule right now.i need soething which is more flexible for my school right now.and no doubt,,i need to have a business from scratch which can get through me,with me,for me.

a dinner at 6,i asked a friend for an idea of a perky perk.he told me to submit a resume through him in the company where he is now connected.urrgh.it's a talent promotions agency.he said you can already earn a darn amount from simply doing what the talent-iers are wishing you to do.it's a reputable one,he said.all you gotta do is wear the Diatabs shirt and they will drop you to places like boracay and the like to give the company's flyers and promote new products and so on and on and on.hahaha! a big belly laugh on me!hahaha.....

and then he added that there are circumstances that when a certain company needs you for the commercial,they will need you to just wear anything which represents their product and show it on tv without showing your face or any other part of your body other that the part wherein their product represents.and then,you'll get paid.hahahah! another belly laugh!...so i said....i can't do that..im not pretty!...he said that i don't need to be..coz none of my face will be seen anyway.hahah...so can someone just bang my head on the wall anyway?i went crazy over his idea-hahahaha..so ileft that part alone...

now time for a more possible one-blogging!but oopppss,,,,that can be a ladder step forward or the opposite...so for now,,i can say,that that's not just at the back of my mind, but at the darker side of it.hahaha.but we never know.
another one-writing.i have tried to make a nice output and put it unto a book compilation.but i have been running of so much stories and ideas to tell that i got ruined of where to start or how to end it.so the result?--every segment i wrote just became essays.and the next page is a total different one.probably because my ideas are crashing.i could not really pinpoint my main story.and the problem which i think i have is that i could not write by the day.i write at night.and so when i feel dizzy,i won't get to finish whatever my head really wants to write about. so the morning after,i would not want to write whatever it is that i would have written the night before that.i would just start a new one-one that depicts that lingeries of that day. urrgghhh...i think i really need to learn a lot first. so many things that i thought i knew but i really don't.

so what about tomorrow?another morning?nope....another night for me to reminisce everything which will ever happen for that another day.-dex

college of dental medicine

when everyone else are so happy,i would rather stay gloomy.someone told me im a loner.why won't i join them?there came a time when i've been really really quiet,,like when no one would talk to me,,i'd not speak a lil.it made me ill.i almost needed a psychologist.almost.
now,i think,,there are times when people pass a phase in their lives when they feel so incompetent,unsatisfied, and out of track.like everyone left them alone.that no one will ever like them,that they won't just fit in unto a certain clique.
dex is an alias.it's an escape for dex to do other things in search of happiness and contentment.it's an artificial route for dex to be another person.it's an another journey for dex to search what is missing,to complete the puzzle.
dex felt good of being a dex.because dex was supposed to be masculine.and being a dex meant being stronger.
when dex began /started being a dex,dex started to do the things that dex haven't done before.dex dared to fly alone and imagined life out of curiosity.dex did a wonderful journey.and yes,dex also lost and won.dex wondered why life's mysteries could never just be unfolded all at once.dex searched for the people dex once met and cried for/with..but dex never found them.again.and dex found a cave where all dex's wants and dex's frustrations could be written,but dex did write the letters which are un-undestandable.that only dex can read and only dex can understand.and so,no matter how dex would like to share dex's feelings to other people,they would just turn their backs away and leave dex because they could never understand dex.
and days went by,and dex stood by.all the passers-by who'd see dex's reflections would stop for a while and then leave as soon as they stopped by.so dex created a friend out of her own,the one who could only understand dex.each conversations were mute and done only through glances.at times,just through howls,through sips,or through hummings,,but not a word....or a morse code..
and sadly,dex is almost gone...very suburb is what dex's position right now.that no matter what dex does,it would never be dex's accomplishments...because dex did not do a thing.cause dex did not exist.and dex was just a dream.